Am I the only mother that wonders what her children think of her parenting style? I believe I have a great relationship with my children but there are times they look at me and I know without a doubt they are asking God, why? Am I really bothered with that look? Truth be told, sometimes I am.
Recently, I started to become more intentional with my parenting. The way I speak to my children, the decisions I make, the rules I set and the conversations we have. You see, children won’t always be children. No one told me that. No one told me that my cute little rugrats will some day become men. Truly their growth and maturity took me by surprise. I literally said good night to boys and woke up to men.
As my children grew, they started listening to the words I yelled, questioned the decisions I made and reacted to the rules I set. This is when I started to ask myself, what type of mother do I want to be? because my choice will definitely determine the type of children I have.
Do I want to be the perfect mother that is fully in control of her home and prioritises appearances? Or the unpredictable mother that is well….unpredictable; what you see is what you get….the problem is you have no clue what’s next. LOL. Then there is the best friend mother. This mother prioritises her relationship with her children risking breaking boundaries that may be important. Then there is the Me-First mother. This Mum prioritises her goals, not necessarily at the expense of her children but she must be winning at all times.
None. I really didn’t want to be any of the mothers listed above because I learnt a long time ago that appearances are a waste of time, structure matters to me, I have no intentions of being my children’s best friend and its clear to me that there are days (actually years) that it won’t be about me. After reading gazillion books on a range of motherhood styles, I decided to be the mother my sons need. This meant understanding their personalities, the uniqueness of our home and our family values. In being intentional, I decided not to conform to any model but to observe my sons and be that person who will guide and nurture them to be who God has called them to be. I repeat, who God has called them to be not minions designed by parents.
Parenting is different for everyone and in learning how to parent our kids, it’s important we pay close attention to their personalities and be the mother they need. Skip the band wagon of whatever parenting style is trending and follow your heart and instincts. God knows parenting is difficult. You are not alone when you are exhausted and overwhelmed. You are definitely not alone when your approach did not yield the desired outcome. We are many – married and single, trying to be good mothers.
Slow down, take a deep breathe, have a glass of wine and re-strategize. Cheers !!!!
P.S. Whatever type of mother you decide to be, please don’t judge another mother.